When Hope Becomes Hope-less

There are a few things that are more difficult than others when you have a miscarriage. Loss of hope is a huge part of the agony of a loss early on in pregnancy. From the moment you conceive there is an overwhelming sense of hope. Most women have an immediate attachment the moment they find out they are pregnant. You begin to wonder about the child you are carrying, you find that you have dreams for the child, and you begin to hope for things....like health, an easy pregnancy and delivery. Usually all of that wondering creates a deeper desire to know this child God has entrusted you with. You begin to pray and find that you have desires for this life inside you that only just begun. All of these feelings seem to magnify with each passing day, week, month. It's difficult to miscarry a child, but even harder to miscarry 2, 3, 4 times. I know of friends who have miscarried multiple times and I can not imagine the pain that multiplies with each loss. It's not just the child that dies within you; but the hope, dreams, desires, and the seedlings of love that dies right along with the child that is so heart wrenching. It's especially difficult as time goes on and your due date passes and you see all of the newborns who have just been born surrounding you. Your mind can't help but be taken back to the "what ifs" and the "if only."

When I had my first miscarriage I conceived again 5 months later with little miss Presley. My hope lost was quickly replaced with a hope renewed. However, the timing of my third miscarriage has been the most difficult. It didn't start off difficult, but as time has gone by it seems to be the most heart wrenching. Many times the loss of hope is quickly replaced with a new hope, new dreams, and new desires. Other times that loss of hope is not replaced as quickly as you'd like and you must endure an entire season of loss. I know many women who have had to endure season after season of loss.

Proverbs 13:12 says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when longing is fulfilled, it is the tree of life." So, what do we do when God chooses not to change our circumstances? When our hope is deferred rather than renewed.



As I sat in bed one morning I thought about hope and how we see it as humans...."It has to be more than just a desire, more than just a positive thought or wishful thinking." God speaks of hope in the Bible more times than I count.

My little sister has a friend who sent me a letter quite awhile back. She is one who knows what this loss of hope feels like. I keep her letter in the side pocket of my purse and pull it out to revisit it when my hope becomes hope-less. In this letter she said to me, "take this time to grow in the Lord. Refresh your marriage. Renew your spirit, and know He will bless you in His time." Her words echoed through my mind and awakened my heart to something bigger, something greater. So, I decided to follow her advice and I began to seek the hope for which we have been called. For the past 10 months, I have been keeping a prayer journal, writing down every thought, desire, fear, and hope. And with every writing of a prayer God has revealed himself more and more to me. He has spoken to my heart and has sealed me with a renewed hope and a peace that passes understanding that ultimately comes from Him. I have a hope I've never known... a joyous hope that could not have been known without the experiences He has allowed in my life. To live in hope is to live abundantly in God. This is the Hope that sustains and gives life. For every woman who has ever felt a loss of hope and has never had that hope renewed through changing circumstances, I pray that you may find hope in the One who is the Author of All Hope.


"When hope is infinitesimal, may God increase it, and when hope is deadened, may God enliven it, and when hope is craved may it be found in Christ alone." -Ann Voscamp

I am Thankful....

28. for little purple tutus and blue shoes that find their way into a toddler's daily wardrobe:)

29. for tiny mirrors that capture the true essence of a child's heart
30. for a little girl who finds pure joy in the simplicity of life by dressing up and rockin on her horse
31. for those simple treasures that have the ability to soften the heart....and a stressful moment :)
32. for a healthy daughter who is able to play....and play hard!
33. for every morning that brings good health to me and those I love

Follow Ann Voskamp on her blog at http://www.aholyexperience.com/ and pick up her new free app, "1000 Gifts." Her book has been life changing and so has her blog ;o)

Havin a Swingin Good Time at Our New Place

Fall Fun and Some "Trick and Treat"

Things have finally slowed down this past week and we are all settled in our new home. It took Presley a few days, 5 to be exact, to make the transition from the old house to the new house. She did not like the idea of moving and let me know it just about every minute of every day......"I don't like this house, I don't want to move anymore, I want to go home." It was actually quite heart breaking, but as of today she loves her new home ;o) I have a lot of catching up to do on my blog, but just don't seem to have the time! So, I thought I would just throw all of the fun fall stuff we have been doing into one post ;o)We had Presley's fall party at her school a few weeks ago and it was lots of fun. Initially, I signed up to "help out" at a few of the class parties, but for some reason I am now the one who has been put "in charge" of heading up these class parties. grrrr. Thank goodness for pinterest because I am also the only one who initially signed up to "help out" for teacher appreciation week and now I have been asked to head it up. Double grrrrrr......being on the receiving end of things was so much nicer ;o) ha!On Halloween day, I took Presley around the block for some trick or treating. Joey and his friends were finishing up moving some of our boxes over to the new house so it was just me and Presley. I planned on putting Presley in her candy corn costume, but she decided that she wanted to wear her bumble bee costume. As soon as I put her in it she ran to the mirror in my room and looked at herself for several minutes.When I took her into the backyard to get a few pictures of her all dressed up she started running around the yard yelling, "I'm a bee, I'm a bumble bee, bzzzzzzzzz."I was so sad that Joey missed out on Halloween this year because it was the first year that Presley was really excited about trick or treating. She would knock on the door and say, "trick and treat." Before we left home, I told her to be polite and to always say thank you. After she got her first piece of candy she said thank you to every one who passed her way. We went all the way around the block and she never got tired! She would walk down the sidewalk repeating to herself, "I'm a bee. A bumble bee. I wuv trick and treat."

Oh man, this child just has my heart ;o)

An Enthusiastic Plea...

Presley has a very funny way of trying to get her own way. It doesn't have anything to do with crying....tears are saved for special occasions. Whenever she wants to go somewhere or do something that she thinks will be fun she says it with enthusiasm in her voice. I think she thinks her tone of voice and enthusiasm will convince me that what she says is a great idea ;-) If I reject her idea then she continues to repeat herself, but with more enthusiasm and more hand motions. What I am saying probably doesn't make much sense so have a look at this little video I took of her trying to enthuse her way into my heart....